Stuck

I have had so many sleepless early mornings this year. My little A inevitably wakes up between 5 and 5:30 every morning, even after being up in the middle of the night. It's 6:34 am and I've been up since 5 am and I feel like it's my nap time now. These seemingly endless hours of tired sleeplessness are draining me. My life goal is, and has been for 18 months, to have time in the morning to read the Bible, drink coffee, plan a bit for my day even possibly do a little exercise. Right now, this life goal seems as impossible as climbing Mt. Everest. 

So I feel stuck. Stuck between where my children have placed me and where I want to be. It's early and I'm tired so forgive me as I wax philosophically while I rock A to sleep and type on my phone with one thumb. A lot of life is being stuck in a situation you can't change. Stuck being single when you want to be married. Stuck being chubby when you want to be thin. Stuck being sick when all you want to be is well. I know that lately when people ask me how I'm doing my tiredness and early mornings are all I seem to talk complain about. I don't know how to get out of this rut, but I don't want to let it define me and ruin the rest of my day and be the only thing my family and friends get from me. I want to find grace, find joy and peace. If I can't find it in my early mornings on the job with my little bundles of energy, then how can I find it on harder situations? 

The people who have deeply touched my life are those who have been stuck in unbearable situations or irritating situations, but all the while have not complained but rather expressed something and Someone greater. Real Grace.  I want to figure out how to find grace now it my little situation so that if bigger and harder situations come my way, I already know the secret. 

So, my goal in life goal has changed. My goal in life is to not be controlled by my outward condition, but to find a grace that transcends the outward and brings me, and those who are around me, grace and peace. To quote someone who has a little more experience with being stuck ( like in prison ), "According to my ernest expectation and hope that in nothing I will be put to shame, but with all boldness, as always, even now Christ will be magnified in my body, whether through life or through death. For me to life is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:20

Now, excuse me while I go make breakfast!