Stirling Castle

After four days of jet lag and the girls having high fevers, we finally are all rested and well. We spent a beautiful day strolling around the beautiful city and castle of Stirling. It's about 40 minutes outside of Glasgow and was the former capital of Scotland. Here are a few pictures of our lovely day. 

Thank goodness for double strollers!

Dad's turn to push the girls up the hill to the castle

Stirling, Scotland

Family picture outside the Castle  

My sweetie in Stirling Castle

My medieval princess

My other medieval princess

Stirling countryside

The girls are getting a little weary of the castle

Silly sisters behind bars

Amelia is a natural

Amelia is still happy to take yet another photo

Packing light: the impossible dream

Tomorrow we are embarking on a grand adventure: we are taking the girls all the way to Scotland for two weeks. We've been planning this trip for a few months now but it seems surreal that tomorrow we leave. For weeks now, I've been thinking about, writing down and checking off scores of lists. I have a thing for lists. Sometimes I write down things I've already done, just to check items off so I feel like I've accomplished something. 

Before having kids, I prided myself in being a light packer. As soon as I had a trip planned, I would start planning outfits in my head and in lists, of course. The key to light packing is all bottoms have to match all tops so if you only bring two bottoms and three tops, you have six different outfits. And of course ideally, one pair of all inclusive amazing shoes that are cute, comfy and go with everything. Of course, I rarely met my ideal, but I aways tried too. Packing light makes me feel, well, light. Like living in a clean, unculttered home. It's a chance to not be weighed down by stuff and just enjoy life. 

But so much for my ideal for both an uncluttered home and packing light because it's not just me anymore folks. My suitcase is spilling with little pants, tops, socks, tights, rain boots, tiny underwear, dresses, sweaters, and footed pajamas. Not to mention the carryon bags overflowing with little bags of crackers, fruit leather, granola bars, stickers, crayons, coloring books, games, books, kids tylenol, blankies, extra clothes for those inevitable juice spills on the plane, diapers and wipes. And despite all these things, I'm stilling writing lists--wondering if I have missed anything. 

So I've given up on my ideal for now. Maybe when my kids get older, I will achieve the dream I have been chasing my whole life--feeling light!

Mother's Day

These sweet, crazy and busy girls have made me a mother. What is mother's day without the people that make mothers, mothers.  Being a mother is not a role, it's a relationship that I'm constantly working on. 

Every evening I feel like I'm crawling towards the bedtime finish line. By 8 pm, I'm just done for the day. Yet, after the little monkeys are in finally bed AND asleep, I think about them and pour through photos of them. 

Here are a few photos of my girls the past few weeks. I love how they are playing together and becoming friends. 

Just hanging out reading parenting books in the laundry basket.

It's surprising that the basket didn't contain a crumpled mass of clean laundry.

Yes, that's a lunch that included hot dogs. 

Dress up at pre-school class

E sporting her new jeans and jacket, A discovering an old teething toy to munch on.

Sometimes it's easier to eat dinner on the counter than bother with the table and chairs.

They love their grandma's spinach quiche. 

My little carnivore on the left. My little non-eater on the right.

Hanging out at Costco, sampling furniture ( as well as food ).

3 is the new 13

Last week my little E, all 3 1/2 years of her, said or did the following three things:

1) "I like the lace on my dress because you can see my skin through it." In response to putting a dress on that had lace like cap sleeves.

2). "Is this dress open in the back? I like this dress because it is open in the back." And then to a woman walking out of Trader Joes as we were walking in, "Look, my dress is open in the back." In response to wearing a dress with spaghetti straps.

3). Rolled up her jean shorts. Literally, folding them up and trying to shorten them. I asked her what she was doing. Of course she didn't know the correct verb associated with her action, ROLLING, but she said, "Olivia's shorts are like that." Olivia, her 10 year old 3rd cousin. Eloise met her three weeks ago. 

How is she getting all this? She doesn't have barbies, Disney movies, or any pop culture fashion items. I think it must be in this southern California air!  (Well, and possibly her mom's genes.)

Stuck

I have had so many sleepless early mornings this year. My little A inevitably wakes up between 5 and 5:30 every morning, even after being up in the middle of the night. It's 6:34 am and I've been up since 5 am and I feel like it's my nap time now. These seemingly endless hours of tired sleeplessness are draining me. My life goal is, and has been for 18 months, to have time in the morning to read the Bible, drink coffee, plan a bit for my day even possibly do a little exercise. Right now, this life goal seems as impossible as climbing Mt. Everest. 

So I feel stuck. Stuck between where my children have placed me and where I want to be. It's early and I'm tired so forgive me as I wax philosophically while I rock A to sleep and type on my phone with one thumb. A lot of life is being stuck in a situation you can't change. Stuck being single when you want to be married. Stuck being chubby when you want to be thin. Stuck being sick when all you want to be is well. I know that lately when people ask me how I'm doing my tiredness and early mornings are all I seem to talk complain about. I don't know how to get out of this rut, but I don't want to let it define me and ruin the rest of my day and be the only thing my family and friends get from me. I want to find grace, find joy and peace. If I can't find it in my early mornings on the job with my little bundles of energy, then how can I find it on harder situations? 

The people who have deeply touched my life are those who have been stuck in unbearable situations or irritating situations, but all the while have not complained but rather expressed something and Someone greater. Real Grace.  I want to figure out how to find grace now it my little situation so that if bigger and harder situations come my way, I already know the secret. 

So, my goal in life goal has changed. My goal in life is to not be controlled by my outward condition, but to find a grace that transcends the outward and brings me, and those who are around me, grace and peace. To quote someone who has a little more experience with being stuck ( like in prison ), "According to my ernest expectation and hope that in nothing I will be put to shame, but with all boldness, as always, even now Christ will be magnified in my body, whether through life or through death. For me to life is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:20

Now, excuse me while I go make breakfast!

Tripping over Toys

I've been reading quite a few blogs and articles about the idea of minimalist living: pairing down all the physical stuff in our house and doing less activities that require too much time and energy. It seems there are many people that are attracted to this idea and this type of living, myself included. Not a day goes by that I wish I could spring clean and throw half my things away. But usually, that same day, I wish I could go shopping and buy some new clothes for myself and girls, and things for my house. 

What I can gather from my intense research on the topic (intense research = causally reading random blogs and posts about living with less throughout this past year) is that the people drawn to this idea are people with stuff. That is, middle class and college educated people. Why are we so drawn to minimal living? Most people know that  things don't make us happy; things occupy our time and money. Things like dozens of kid toys (for us parents), clothing, paper, and random nic nacs. According to this extensive research done by sociologists at UCLA (go Bruins!), women with cluttered messy homes have higher levels of stress hormones. I could have told them that and saved them years of research! I'm sure there is extensive research on why we have so much stuff and I'm sure it can be attributed to our American culture of consumerism. In our heads we know stuff wont make us happy, but yet we are drawn like magnets to stores and amazon...buying more stuff. Often I feel so stressed in my toy filled house that I can't enjoy my girls. When they are tucked in bed and asleep, I clean everything up and put my house to bed and only then do I feel relaxed. Then the whole messy cycle starts up early the next morning.

I'm trying to find a balance and I haven't found it. I'm not brave enough to toss half my things out, but yet I'm frustrated every day. Maybe I just need a bigger house :)

The French & Costco

I love Costco because 1) the girls are both contained in ONE shopping cart and 2) they are excited about eating samples. My excitement over their excitement of samples has slightly diminished since I read the book, French Kids Eat Everything. In a nutshell (which nut was NOT eaten as a snack, but as a proper meal), the book says the French only eat 3 meals a day which they eat while sitting at a table. They only snack once a day at 5:00 pm. Snacks, like meals, are always eaten while sitting. Never do the French eat or drink while walking, shopping, or driving. And by French, I mean everyone from babies eating purees to adults eating beef bourguignon. In stark contrast, Americans excel at drinking while walking with Starbucks coffees, shopping while nibbling samples at Costco and Trader Joes, and driving while eating food from a myriad of fast food joints (Chick-Fil-A for my family).  

After reading the book, I was inspired and motivated to help my family become more French like in our eating habits. I admit, many daily emotions like exhaustion, frustration, boredom and even happiness often drive me to food. I was convinced that the French had it so right! They eat when it's time to eat, not when they are sad, happy or bored. So, I tried for a while curtailing almost all snacks and trying to keep the girls seated while eating. But trying to be French while being an American living in a world of Costco samples and snacks is HARD work. It's a battle I'm loosing and it's not one I'm convinced I want to die fighting. I learned the hard way teaching middle school for a few years that you only want to pick the battles you are willing to die for. If you pick them all, you will be dead by lunch.  I do want my children to be heathy eaters--not emotional eaters. I want them to have good manners and self control. But toddlers LOVE snacks. It brings them joy and curtails the tears. So I'm stuck in the middle; like I heard the food gospel but just can't leave behind my old manner of life. And the old manner of life loves free samples at Costco. Trying to steer my huge shopping cart away from those little bites of cheese is like denying a little part of myself. If I struggle, then how can I deny my sweet girls? 

We went there yesterday and little 16 month old A squealed with sheer joy as her bright blue eyes scanned the isles looking for sample carts. And it was a lovely trip. The girls sat together in the cart. They ate samples. They smiled at other shoppers. And most of all, mama was happy.

So, unless we move to France or another lovely European country while my girls are young, my family will try to snack less and have more self control, but I'm afraid we will always go back to being what we are: American snackers.